French Lessons
by Croc'Sushi
Summary: Monsieur Francis Bonnefoy is teaching French. Pay attention, class !
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Hetalia belongs to Himaruya Hidekaz, while I own absolutely nothing but my imagination as a humble fanfiction writer.  
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><p><strong>Lesson 1: The Absolute Rules and How to introduce yourself.<strong>

"_Bonjour, mes amours_ !"('Hello, my loves !'- French endearment term)

The class door opens wide to a tall blonde man, smiling excitedly at his pupils as he walks towards his desk. Some of them were snickering and chuckling at his cheery entrance: that new teacher promised to be interesting if he was going to be so extravagant all year long.

"My name is Francis Bonnefoy, I will be your French Teacher for this year, obviously."

"Are you French yourself, sir ? You have an accent..."

"Why, yes I am, _ma petite demoiselle_ ! ('my little lady'; read: 'young lady') " He winked at the girl in the back who flushed instantly. "So, please take good care of me everyone!"

More giggling from the young students.

"Alright ! Since it's your very first lesson, I will teach you a few tips that you should never, ever, forget about French. Then, we'll start french presentations."

Through mid sentence most of the class had already opened their textbook and ready to write.

"First of all: Even if your life depends on it, NEVER trust online translations when it's about French language."

Murmurs and slight confusion arose in the room.

"Huh ? Why's that ?"

"Simple: because it's helpless. You see, French doesn't build sentences like English does: the **order** of words, the **choice** of words, the different **ways** to formulate something, the **gende**r of words... French language plays its own rules."

Blank stares answered him.

"Well, I guess an example or two can't hurt. Here." _Monsieur_ Bonnefoy started to write on the board.

"-_Ca fait mal. Je crois que je suis blessé_.- Does anyone have the slightest idea about what it means ?"

A shy hand rose among the clueless youngsters.

"Er...I know 'Je' means 'I' and... maybe _'blessé' _means 'blessing' or something ?"

"You're right about 'Je' but as I expected, you fell in the trap with 'blessé': it has nothing to do with a blessing. It means 'hurt', as in 'being hurt/wounded'.

Silent O's appeared on some faces.

"How could that be ? The words sounds so much alike !"

"That's why I told you not to be fooled by assuming things on your own: French has its own rules, as I said before."

The boy shrugged, waiting for more explanations.

"So, what's it about then ? The stuff you wrote."

"Heh heh... open your hears and be amazed _par le pouvoir de la langue française _! ('by the power of French language')" The teacher declared, as if he was acting on a stage. "It hurts. I think I am wounded".

A very unimpressed and kinda embarassing pause was held before someone decided to break it.

"What's so amazing again ?"

"Hum... I should have known your fresh minds wouldn't be able to understand too fast. Alright, I shall explain: _'Ca fait mal' _and 'It hurts', three words against two. Any clue why ?"

Of course, no one answered.

"Well, let's translate this word by word: _'Ca fait mal' _= 'It does harm".

"What ? But you just told us it means 'It hurts' !" A tiny blonde girl said.

"And it's true. _'Ca fait mal' _really is 'It hurts" as its English equivalent. But ! French speakers don't say 'It hurts', they say 'It does harm'."

"So... that's what you meant when you said French doesn't build sentences like we do ?"

"Exactly. And that's how this leads us to the second rule: NEVER translate word by word. Let's take 'It hurts' one more time, for instance: if you were to translate it -I mean by that, from English to French, you will get 'Que blesse' or 'Ca blesse' or even, 'Ce blesse' which are all absolute **nonsense** for French speakers."

Mr Bonnefoy took a small pause, looking at his pupils to read their expressions.

"Do you understand everything so far ?"

A few nods. They all did understand, but now some were begining to worry about their future grades, having realized if only a little better how difficult this language actually is. They couldn't rely on their own language, nor on internet for help. Gee... to think they took that class because it sounded fun !

"Very well. I think that's enough tips for you in one day, so let's do something else. Funnier !"

At this, the class began to relax again, forgetting their worries for a while.

"Let's learn to introduce ourselves ! _C'est l'heure des présentations_ ! (It's time for presentations !)"

"_Bonjour. Je m'appelle Francis Bonnefoy_. (Hello, I am/my name is Francis Bonnefoy) This the usual and most common way to introduce yourself. Note that here again, French has its own way to formulate this: 'Hello. I am calling myself Francis Bonnefoy.' Amazing, isn't it ?"

"_J'ai 26 ans et je viens de Paris, en France. Je suis français_. (I am 26 years old and I come from Paris, France. I am French.) Three things to note here: first is that French uses the auxiliary 'Have' instead of 'Be', meaning it goes like 'I **have **26 years'. Second, the world 'old' doesn't have its place after 'years'; it isn't needed in French. And third, French speakers would use the term 'I come from' a lot more than 'I am from' _('Je suis de'). _Don't ask me why, that's just the way it is."

"_Je vis aux Etats-Unis d'Amérique. J'habite à la Nouvelle-Orléans, en Louisiane où je suis Professeur de Français_. (I live in the United States of America. I reside/live/inhabit in New Orleans, Louisiana where I am a French teacher.)

"And now for 'Nice to meet you', you have a whole bunch of choices:

_ '_Enchanté(e)_*' ; '-Je suis- _Enchanté(e) de vous rencontrer'_; '-Je suis-_Enchanté(e) de faire votre connaissance_.' (Charmed/Entranced. -I am- Charmed/Entranced to meet you. -I am- Charmed/Entranced to make your acquitance.)

_ '_Ravi(e)* de vous rencontrer'. _'_Ravi(e)* de vous connaître.' 'Ravi(e) de faire votre connaissance'_. (-I am- Delighted to meet you. -I am- Delighted to know you. -I am- Delighted to make your acquitance.)

_ '_Heureux/Heureuse* de vous rencontrer'._'_Heureux/Heureuse de vous connaître.' 'Heureux/Heureuse de faire votre connaisance'_. (-I am- Happy/Glad/Fortunate to meet you.-I am- Happy/Glad/Fortunate to know you. -I am- Happy/Glad/Fortunate to make your aqcuitance.)

_ '-_Je suis- Content(e) de vous rencontrer.' '-Je suis- Content(e) de vous connaître.' '-Je suis- Content(e) de faire votre connaissance'._ (-I am- Happy/Glad/Pleased to meet you. -I am- Happy/Glad/Pleased to know you. -I am- Happy/Glad/Pleased to make your aquitance.)

All those terms are formal, except for _'Enchanté(e)' _that you can use in any situation since it's quite neutral. Any questions ?"

Just a this moment, the bell rang. The teacher just smiled then wished a good day to his pupils as they were leaving for their next class.

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><p>As I said on my profile, I am a French fanfiction writer who's willing to help anyone with French. As in, fixing mistakes for instance. That's also one the reasons as to why I wrote this, hoping it could be helpful somehow. (2nd chapter would be about word genders and endearment terms) So please don't hesitate to ask, for I have read many great fanfictions alas tainted with broken French.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I think one disclaimer on the very first chapter is enough for the whole story.

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><p><strong>Lesson 2: Genders and Endearment terms<strong>

"_Bonjour les enfants !" _('Hello children !')

All heads turned at once at their exccentric French Teacher, who looked as gaudy as last time they saw him.

_"Comment allez-vous, aujourd'hui ?_ ('How are you, today ?')

At once, the young students knew what was expected from them, and answered in unison:

_"Je vais bien, merci. Et vous ?"_ ('I am fine, thank you. And you ?')

_"Très bien, merci beaucoup."_ ('Just fine/(I'm )very well, thank you very much.') Said Mr Bonnefoy with a proud grin towards his cute students.

"I see you have all completed your homework pretty nicely, even your accent got a little better, I'm so proud of you~!"

Shy smiles appeared on some faces, not quite used to compliments. But Mr Bonnefoy always believed students should be encouraged and congratulated for their efforts.

"_Très bien_*. ('Well') Today, class, we are going to study word genders. I told you about them before, right ?"

"Yes. You said that in France, almost everything has a gender... wait a minute... inanimated objects too ?"

"Exactly ! Now pay attention to what I'm writting on the board:

In English, you have "the" to designate something. In French, there are **two "the"**: _"Le"_ for male words, and _"La"_ for female words.

As examples: "The car"- "_La__ voiture_"; "The truck"- "_Le__ camion_"

See ? In French, "car" is female and "truck" is "male"."

"Well, that's weird." A boy said, furrowing his brows. "I mean, what's the point of giving genders to things ?"

To that, the blonde teacher only laughed. "And why not ? Don't you think it's simply marvelous to offer beauty to everything ? That's French magic for you ! Ho ho ho ho ho~"**

The class sweatdropped at seeing their teacher literally radiating with pride, gloating about his native language. Somehow it felt slightly annoying too...

"So... how do we know to distinct male things and female things in French ?" Asked a brunette girl wearing glasses, looking a bit confused.

"Oh that ! Well..." The teacher began with a big smile. Then he froze, still holding his stupid happy smile despite the now silent room.

"..."

"We... don't ?" He finally said, with a merely disguised embarassed voice.

Epic anime fall, everyone ?

"What the FrUk ?*** What do you mean, we don't ? Are we supposed to GUESS by ourselves ?" The same boy from earlier asked again, scowling now.

_"Eh bien... _('Well...') To put it bluntly, yes. There is no way to figure out what word is male or female in French. You can only guess by the article placed before a noun, like _"le", "la", "un", une_". So don't worry, in French there is **always** an article before a noun."

"So, we would have to read a lot and try to memorize what word is male/female until it get stuck in our mind ?"

"Wonderful raisonning, my sweet lady ! That's right ! And from now on, we'll begin to read short texts in French so you can get used to it the sooner, the better !" He winked to her.

"Wait, sir, you mentioned other articles besides "le" and "la", what was it again ?"

"Oh yes ! _"Un" _and _"Une_", French equivalents for "a/an". " He wrote on the board again:

"_Une voiture_"- "A car"; "_Un camion_"- A truck. -Oh, and while I'm at it:

"_Une ambulance_"- "An ambulance"; "_Un avion_"-"An airplane". Please note that the 'vowel rule' applies in French too, as you can see."

"Sir, what about plural ?"

"Ah, thanks for reminding me. Plural is easier: for "the"/"le", "la", it's "Les" for both genders: "_Les __garçons_" ('boys'); "_Les __filles_" ('girls'). There is still more to tell but it will be enough for now."

Finally, the pupils could rest their poor fingers and sigh in relief, which didn't go unnoticed by the blue eyed teacher.

"Now for the remaining time we have, let's talk about French endearment terms~! That should stirr your curiosity, right ?"

You bet it does. Who wouldn't be curious about that ?

"Well, first you have to know that French peole think that anything that is small is cute ! That's why most of endearment terms there are bout animals. Yes. Animals. D-Don't laugh ! It's very cute !"

Giggles and snickers continued to resound regardless, making their teacher pouting like a child and crossing his arms.

"Well, I'm continuing either way ! Humpf." And he turned to write on the board again.

"Every endearment term begins with "My"(_Mon/ Ma_), which you can add "little" (_petit/petite_) to make the term even cuter. Here's a short list:

**To guys**: "_Mon (petit): coeur_ (litt. 'My little heart'; read: 'Sweetheart"); _ange_ (angel); _trésor_ (treasure); _lapin_ (bunny/rabbit); _canard_ (duck); _poussin_ (chick); _chou_ (cabbage). These can apply to children too and may be added with "_en sucre_" for a better effect, as in: " _Mon (petit) canard en sucre_" (My little duck made of sugar)... I said don't laugh, geez... !

There are also, for more intimacy, "_Mon cher_" (litt. My dear; read: darling), "(_Mon) très cher_" (Litt. (My) very dear; read: dearest), "_Mon bien-aimé_" (My beloved (one)), "_Mon amour_" (My love), "_Mon chéri_" (Litt. My cherished (one); read: darling/honey/sweetheart).

**To girls**: Same as the first terms listed for guys (except for "Mon ange" that stays the same for both genders), only it would begin by "_Ma (petite)", _and you can guess why, can't you ? Still you can add: _puce _(flea); _Mon (petit) châton _(My -little- kitten) , _(Mon) bébé_ (-My- baby/Babe)... and let's keep it at that.

Then again for more intimacy, _"Ma chère", "Ma très chère", "Ma chérie"; "Ma bien-aimée"; "Mon amour_" which are the female terms for the ones listed above in the guys section.

So, don't confuse female words and male words anymore ! No guy would like to be called "Ma chérie" after all..."

The French class ended here, leaving happy kids excited to try all these new words on family, friends and significant others.

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><p>* As you can see, there are many contexts where "Très bien" can be used quite differently.<p>

** Since that annoying laugh is -sadly- part of Francis' character, I had no choice but to put in it but you need to know that no one, and I mean, NO ONE, laughs like that in France.

*** I couldn't resist.

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><p>NA If you have any question, by all means please ask.


	3. Chapter 3

_Lesson 3: Casual and formal speech._

_Bonjour tout le monde ! Beau temps aujourd'hui, n'est ce pas ? Allez, à vos places, nous allons commencer !_ (Hello everybody ! Nice weather today, isn't it ? Come on, go to your seats, we are going to start !)

As the French teacher walked to his desk, the students stopped their chit-chats to do just the same.

"Today, class, we are going to study casual and formal speech. Any question before we start ?"

"Sir, will you teach us something about France ?"

Suddenly, Mr Bonnefoy's face seemed to glow with happiness and pride as his smile grew wide, and his voice loud with enthousiasm.

"Why, of course ! Oh mon Dieu, I'd thought you would never ask ! I've been waiting so long to hear this, you have no idea how much it makes me..."

"Yo, Teach' ! Gotta go back down ta earth now !" A gangsta looking boy called from the back, snickering.

"Now that was just rude, young man. You should know better than interrupting your teacher like this. I will have to give you extra homework."

But the rest of the kids were happy to be spared from one their French teacher's infamous monologue.

"Now... what was I saying... Oh, yes. I will certainly be elated to teach you anything about French culture, history and more. But I don't know where to start... I think I will stick to your questions when you can think of a few. This will be your homework for the next time we meet."

As the blonde man took a pause to allow everyone to write down their homework in their agendas, he waited patiently until each pupil was finished.

"Now then, about casual and formal speech." He turned to the blackboard.

"First, let's see pronouns again:

_Moi, je_. - Me, I.

As you can see, 'I' in French is the same for both genders.

_Toi, tu._ You, you.

As you already guessed, we're talking about the casual 'you' here. A 'you' for aquitances, friends, people with whom you can talk at ease.

An example: _**Toi **__qui aimes les pommes, Arthur, en voudrais-__**tu **__quelques unes ?_

**You **who likes apples, Arthur, would **you** like to have some ?

_Lui, il_. Him, he.

For men.

_Elle, elle_. Her, she.

For women.

_Nous, nous_. _On, on_. Us, we.

Now allow me to explain: as you can see there are two 'us' in French: the regular one (nous) and the casual one (on). But beware: 'nous' belongs to plural, while 'on' is singular.

An example: _Nous __**sommes **__trois._- We **are** three.

_On __**est**__ trois_. - We**'re** three. (Do not translate litteraly, it would not make any sense)

_Vous, vous_. You, you.

Here again, I'll try a few examples to make my point:

_a) Commes __**vous**__ êtes beaux dans vos nouveaux costumes, les enfants !_ - How beautiful **you** are in your new costumes, kids !

See, there is a 'you' for adressing several people.

b) _Comme __**vous **__êtes beau dans ce nouveau costume, monsieur ! _- How beautiful you are in this new costume, sir !

This is a 'you' to adress someone formally. And as such, the conjuguaison in that form of speech is plural, just like for the 'you' in a).

_Eux, ils._ Them, they.

For men.

_Elles, elles_. Them, they.

For women.

Everything okay so far, kids ? Are you sure ? Perfect then. We will continue this lesson next time. Now I will just add this before class is over: remember not to confuse the different you's since there is one for casual speech (tu), one for formal speech (vous), and one to use when talking to several people in the same time (vous).

I wish you all a great day, see you next week, same time, same place, dearies !"

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><p>So, you've probably figured it out: I'm running out of inspiration for future lessons so I hope you could suggest a few topics to me, would it be grammar, history, culture, anything. I'm counting on you, guys !<p> 


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